Somehow I found time for this...

Like a lot of watercolors, it looks best at about two feet away - but that doesn't work so well with the point n' click camera!

On the cusp...

Yes, it's finally happening - go here for some exciting news and something you should bookmark/add to your RSS feed!

I would like to politely ask that any of you who were thinking about kindly linking friends and enemies to the page to wait until the debut on Friday. Folk'll be more inclined to remember to come back if they get some proper content on arrival. What I've linked to right now? That's just for little old you.

At first I thought...

...this probably wouldn't work in a city. But maybe there's a way around the difficulties posed by a higher density population?

I don't like Russian Metal music...

Blatantly stolen from Tom.

GORBACHOV: THE MUSIC VIDEO - BIGGER AND RUSSIANER from Tom Stern on Vimeo.

....but I do like over the top tributes to Mikhail Gorbachev which re-imagine him as a zombie-fighting barbarian.

Write what you may or may not have done

I could not agree with the sentiment of panels 3 & 4 more, even if I designed a machine whose sole purpose was to augment my ability to agree.

I should be so lucky...

...as to wind up being so totally indifferent to old age as my father, who has found himself on the cover of Fifty-Five Plus magazine expressly for his choice to live like A Human and not the kind of demi-human so many folk resign themselves to being after they've been around long enough.

Addendum: I think my favorite line from the article is where Karen Secord, the author, describes my father as being "propelled by intellect, a quick wit and a fierce sense of self" (emphasis mine). Though I wouldn't argue the first two, it's that third quality which I feel really hits the nail on the head - not only as part of the assessment of my father but in identifying a necessary trait for making the most out of this quick jaunt across the Earth we've lucked into.

Transcript: AHAAAAAAHhhh....oh phew......oh ho ho HO HO HO HO HA HA HEE HEE

Holy cow I just about shit a brick! Not one hour ago I finished writing the "Webcomics: What's up with that particular medium of entertainment?" episode of Handful and then I see that Yahtzee has done an episode on webcomics.


A good episode too, mind! I watched it, I enjoyed it. But mostly I was relieved that...
1) I put up that preview of the Ryan North Interview when I did, thus proving I had the idea to do a webcomics episode on my own and that I'm not aping Yahtzee.
2) That Yahtzee focuses directly on gaming webcomics, while I'm looking at the whole spectrum.
3) He's also doing a tongue-in-cheek "How to make your own" thing, while I am taking a different tack.
4) Despite some qualifying remarks in the closing credits, he's obviously taking a big dump on Tim Buckley - which is a perfectly fair thing to do with Tim Bucklebottom - and his webcomic that serves as a perfect measure of the worst in gaming comics...particularly the comedy/drama switch thing.

Oh and uh hey I got to be in Ryan's alt text today thanks to this shirt. I knew it would be good for something other than saving people's eyeballs from bursting due to a manliness overload at the sight of my pecs.

9,000 Corsets and One Man Scratching His Head

One thing that is happening while I am building steam towards launching "Handful" is that I am looking around at other shows and trying to judge what brings in decent traffic. As I was browsing through my folder of Youtube videos I noticed something that really caught my eye - the third part of my Dirk diddling in "The Movies" currently has 9,037 views.


At first I remembered, at least seven months ago now, figuring out that somehow a bunch of members of a corset enthusiasts forum had kept tripping over it - most likely while searching out things more closely related to their joi de vive (sp?). But seven months ago it was around 900 views and wasn't toooo much further ahead of the other episodes, which you'd expect to get roughly the same amount of accidental search traffic. But for it to multpily tenfold is still pretty surprising and the contrast between it and the other three episodes is stark

Views as of this moment
Ep 1: 443
Ep 2: 979
Ep 3: 9,037
Ep 4: 679
Ep 4 Redux: 286

They all have the exact same title but for the episode number. I have to wonder what mysterious X factor I am missing! Meanwhile, the view count for my first crack at directing is currently 637 - I guess my problem was not naming it "Tonight We Fall In Corsets"? Or maybe "Tonight We Britney Nipple Slip Corset"? Surely one can take succor in the thought that, were he of the modern era, Alfred Hitchcock would have had these concerns weighing on his thick, furrowed brow.

P.S. I'm older and I didn't write a damn thing about it here? OH WELL. BLOG FAILURE I GUESS. UM, "THE DAYS SURE DO GO BY QUICK HUH?".

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry...

Mr. Oliver Thomas Coles Brackenbury and Mr. Ry-an North

Oh ho ho....needless to say (but I'm saying it anyways, apparently!), I have edited this in something of an intellectually dishonest manner. The proper interview, and any others I do, will edited in a more straightforward and honest fashion.

Toxic Pacific

I wrote about this a little while ago, but I thought I'd point out that the VBS series on the giant plastic conglomeration in the southern Pacific gyre is now up to view.

Here's part one.

And I must stress, VBS's journalism just isn't the same creature as VICE magazine - which I find to be steadily deteriorating - and shouldn't be pre-judged on the magazine's merits. Give it a chance, I doubt you'll regret it.

Seven Words you probably can't say in Heaven

George Carlin dying can be fairly described, as I'm sure he'd say, as bullshit.

The days...

Jesus jumped up Christ I cannot believe I'm already on the last week of this six week sabbatical. I'm reminded of a cynical bit (as if Shannon Wheeler can write any other kind) from the old Too Much Coffee Man comics. Basically TMCM get's wound up about the progression of time and how it races by when he's engaged in projects (satisfying or otherwise) but that the only way to stretch it out is to waste it by doing nothing (or at least nothing personally satisfying).

I'd like to provide a rejoinder but I don't have one at the moment. Perhaps there's one in here.

Unlikely Alliance

I have to say, I'm rather keen on this "Unlikely Alliance" project by the WeCanSolveIt group. If they are still taking videos two or three weeks from now then I'd certainly like to have a go.

That's how you know!

Man, I've spent almost the entire day editing (and look to be continuing doing so until bed). About mid-afternoon I had a real "Oh good God what am I doing oh man oh lord oh geez. I should just get a simple life that I can manage, maybe where I sell half-used batteries in a store inside an incomplete strip mall located at the corner of some suburb where the children die young and their parents just can't stop fiddling with themselves in public"...moment.

That's how you know you're learning new things and pushing out against the boundaries of your abilities folks!

CLUE: The following picture is part of what I'm slap, slap, slapping together.

Last preview for now...

...if all goes according to plan, I'll be uploading the first proper episode in very early July.

Not having millions of dollars...

...with which to purchase the rights to images and clips, I've been looking through the Internet Archive, everystockphoto and PicFindr a fair bit. Just thought I'd toss them handy links out to anyone else who wants to include clips without getting lawyers calling them - it can happen even when you think you're playing it safe, such as the recent trip up of Red in Tooth & Claw accidentally getting some David Attenborough clips mixed in with their show...then having to re-cut EVERYTHING THEY'D DONE. Good times.

Good times I would like to avoid.

Meanwhile, here's my first mess around with introduction credits for the show!

I...live

So!

The shooting got pushed back to Friday (yesterday) from Saturday (....today). I think things went okay, once I got back into the swing of things after not having been in front of a camera since late December.

As I've mentioned, I'll be doing the editing for these episodes (the latter batch being shot at the end of this month) and after uploading the footage to my computer something painfully obvious finally hit me: I am going to be spending hours and hours listening to my own voice while staring at my own loverly features.

Oh.

Oh god.

I mean, pretty much everyone has at least some degree of an adversarial relationship with recordings of themselves and I am no exception. I wonder if this process will nullify or intensify that?

Improper Ollie

So I've been researching to help decide on the camera style I want for my own show and, amongst other things, I tripped over this. It's not what I'll be doing, in look or subject matter, but I appreciate the style and content all the same. It's only three minutes, so why not give'er a go.

MUTO

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.
From both a street art and a film making standpoint, this impressed the hell out of me.

Onward and upward

So, much to my joy I earned the good faith of of my web collaborator to help shoot and produce a show I've been working on - a show with yours truly hosting. We're looking to shoot five episodes a week today and the remaining five of the first season (so a total of ten) two weeks after that. I've got a right laundry list of things to do in order for this to all work out and I couldn't be happier. A third of the way through this sabbatical and I feel well vindicated in my decision.

More news later, when I'm not constantly checking to see if my arse has fallen off thanks to my having been up for something like 26 hours yesterday/today and then not being able to sleep in thanks to the blind flute guy who likes to play outside my bedroom sometimes. As my pal Ryan, who had to deal with this before he moved out and I moved in, put it "How many times do I have to cure cancer before I can dump a bucket of water on a blind guy?".

Workin' in the park...

...is great when I just need to look at one or two pages at a time, but terrible otherwise (for getting work done). You just don't have the desk space! Sure there's the ground but it is not always the most friendly place for a piece of paper and there's generally a breeze or three that'll snatch it away from you.I've often wanted to just bust out a desk like John Cleese doing a "And now for something completely different" bit, even wearing an old suit to complete the image, and just set down to work like that in the middle of all the greenery and sunshine.

Maybe a breakfast-in-bed tray kind of thing? Any suggestions? These pictures are from Trinity-Bellwood Park, by the by.

Scriptwritin' Fancy-Like: Genre writing and eating your own tail.

So! As I have mentioned, the treatment I've just finished is looking to be in or at least containing elements of the film noir genre - which is a tricky beast in some ways since there is little consensus on any kind of concrete definition. Many of the films considered the height of noir are missing a few or even most of the stylistic and storytelling tropes which are associated with noir.

Meanwhile, I find there is always a danger in consciously working within a genre or applying it to a storyline, like a coat of paint. You can run the risk of forgetting to write a good story underneath all them tropes and just end up working your way through a checklist of semiotic signifiers which resonate with your own perception of what the genre is (or worse yet, what you are reading out of a book at the same time).

But as much as genre can be used as a style substitute for substance, it can spruce up what might otherwise be a less interesting story. Used this way, it's basically steak sauce and like sauce you just need to have the sense to know how much augments the meal and how much can drown it. With noir, some of the tropes (like it's use of lighting) aren't the scriptwriters concern unless he is also the director. But the dialogue, the kinds of character motivations and the tone of the story are all laid out by chumps like yours truly before being filtered through the actors, director, art director, set designer, costume designer etc etc.

The temptation to provide thick, lumbering descriptions is amplified with genre too, since the look is so much a part of what defines any genre. I'm not the first person to say this by any stretch, but if you want to read a good noir script (and a good script, period) then you could do worse than to read the one for Chinatown. Even if you're not fussed about reading the whole thing, I'd say you should check out the opening scene with Gittes in his office. This is a good illustration of why the lines of text which go underneath scene headings and wrap around dialogue are referred to as "action" lines in any script editing software you'll get your hands on. Yes the suits, the office, the background music etc all help make a film "noir" but that's not what Robert Towne was called upon to provide - he was there to provide the corruption, the desperation, the secrecy, the sordidness and the paranoia that also help to make a film fall into that category.

Anyways, I'm starting to ramble and Christ knows that there are volumes and volumes of abstract theory about this sort of thing. Me? What do I do?

While reviewing a post-apocalyptic short that I wrote a while ago, making notes to trim it down to a better length for festivals and to get it into a shape I'd feel comfortable trying to film, I started a practice which came in very useful for my work on the noir treatment. Looking through the action lines I'd ask myself first one question and then, sometimes, one other.

First: "Is this something which would be covered by another member of the crew, somewhere down the line?"

If so, then I like to jot down whose job it would be and then I ask myself...

Second: "Given that, how essential is this thing I'm describing to the plot, tone or characters? Basically, does the this line do anything or does it just add to the background?"

And then I'll remove, change or leave the line based on what answer I give myself. The only place I allow a little leeway is within the one scene which I feel sets the tone for the rest of the story (usually, but not always, the first). However, I'm not entirely sure I can defend that habit.

Another good way that I help keep myself from getting overly descriptive is to remind myself that if about one page of script equals about one minute of film and that there is a limit to how long the film can be, then do I want to take up valuable page real estate with more gripping or story a description of a chair?

Put that way, the answer is pretty obvious.

That's enough about genre for now, I'm sure I'll come back to it before I die of old age surrounded by golden idols of yours truly.

Finally, I just thought I'd note an odd experience I had while brainstorming on the treatment. The film noir aspect was first suggested by my collaborator. The burlesque side of things has been on my brain since I've met more than one person involved with the scene since I came to Toronto. So it was, with...would you call it serendipity? Well anyways, so it was with no direct intention that I was stirring around a bunch of plot points in a pot when they lined up to form an almost perfect reproduction of the first short film I ever wrote - Trenchcoats & Corsets. For those few who know of it, I'll just let you chew on that. For those who don't, I have to stress that the odds of this have always felt very astronomical to me. Though I do feel that retelling others stories can have merit, I frown the hell on it when authors of any kind begin to repeat their own work. Ah well, it wasn't on purpose and now I suppose I've gotten an interesting warning.

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Addendum: I rather like this contraption.
Also, if you want some additional proof that the great they sometimes do stumble - it's worth noting that Robert Towne also wrote (and had a role in) The Last Woman On Earth. I've got that sucker on VHS and hooooo boy....

marriedtothesea.com

Background....check!

How hot can a 'dang' get?

Well hot dang the noir treatment is done. Now to wait for a response - which might be bothersome if I didn't have ten other projects to occupy myself with! Yesterday I got a nice start on the web show work I need to have done for next week, so I reckon that's the thing to work on through the weekend. But not tonight - tonight I'm going to try and finish a painting I started, if for no other reason than that painting seems to use almost none of the same cuts of my brain as writing does and thus it makes a great way to recharge while still doing something.

I wish I'd done more in this first week, but I've done some comparisons with other things I've worked on since moving to Toronto and I still got shit done quicker and far MORE shit done in a shorter period of time - so I'm not really complaining. Plus I've needed

Meanwhile, for those who are amused by such things, here is the short playlist I listened to over and over to maintain the right mood for working on the noir treatment.

"Fly" by Luscious Jackson
"About Her" by Malcom McLaren
"Diabolus" by The Cinematic Orchestra
"Thread", "Theme to Kill a Dead Man", "Hunter", "Nylon Smile" and "The Rip" all by Portishead

Writing Sabbatical: Day Three

Holy cow and a jumped up Jesus and beans I am having a real live Learning Experience folks. That is to say, my enthusiasm for getting things done has blinded me to something I already should have known and now I'm just clearing the mist from my eyes.

Basically, without the day job to force my mind off the noir treatment I have allowed it to rattle around in my head almost every minute of every day since Friday. I have pages of notes (satisfying) and nine tenths of the story plotted out (very satisfying) but keep finding myself staring holes in my notebook when trying to figure out that last tenth (agonizing). I set myself a deadline for "Some Time Tuesday", feeling it was realistic given the amount of time I had. Setting myself deadlines I know I can meet is something I felt I had a decent handle on. But what I didn't consider is the danger of burnout (frightening - okay I'll stop this) since I haven't had this much time to work non-stop on something since my last semester at Carleton.

So I've popped off what I have to my Mandy.com collaborator and decided to try a few things to rejuvenate.

• Talk through what I have so far with my friend who's coming over for dinner.
• Catch a film noir movie at the Bloor tonight.
• Wake up tomorrow and work on the web show or at least not the treatment for the first half of the day.
  

In the remaining time of this sabbatical I think I'm going to make a point never to spend a full day on something if my deadlines allow. Burn out is burn out, regardless of the precise route you take there.

Addendum: Oh man this kind of thing is scary if you think about it for even a nano-second.

Possible holdover

This treatment is taking a little longer than expected. I'm looking at finishing it today but maybe not early enough to get a post in here before tomorrow. Just in case, I thought I'd provide this to tide you over.I just typed an obscenity into google image search, but if memory serves I think this originally came from KC Green - who is pretty okay.

Writing Sabbatical: Day Two

So here we are, day two of my Self Employed Screenwriter Simulation. So far it is okay! I like the commute but my boss is a jerk haw haw haw. Discipline has not been perfect but then hell I just started. Really, the only trouble has been rule #4 on account of social commitments I made before I knew precisely when this thing would be starting.
Yesterday was mainly research and writing. The current treatment I'm working on, for a producer/director I met through Mandy.com, is looking to be a modern film noir with heavy involvement in the resurgent burlesque scene. This made me feel less of a shit for going out to this last night, since - and I'm only half joking here - it qualified as additional research. Honestly, if I'd not gone I might have forgotten that burlesque is not just dancing and jokes but also singing...which may or not play into the treatment as I finish it up today.

So okay Mr. BigBalls why are you writing a post here if it's within your working hours? Well sir, partially this can be blamed on my spending some time learning CSS and thus my mind being put in the realm of blags. The other is to help find focus on the day's work by discussing it with you lot. My parents are self-employed and have been as long as I can remember. All through the years I've been reminded by them that one of the biggest troubles with working for yourself is discipline and focus - since you don't have a boss to enforce both. They weren't kidding! I've gone into this sabbatical with eleven writing projects at various stages, as well as the challenge of learning enough about Adobe Premiere and CSS to facilitate one of those eleven. It is tempting as hell at times to try and work on most or all of these projects at once!

Luckily, for more than one reason, I am getting paid for the project I'm working on today and that has pushed it right up the priority list. The second on the list is the final manifestation of the monologue style web show - now that I've finally found a decent hook for it - if only because I have someone willing to produce and promote the bloody thing. But the editing and web design are in my modestly capable hands and so we have me learning how to write an entirely different kind of script altogether.

Anyways, when I come out the other side of writing the treatment then a new Scriptin' Fancy-Like post can be expected. I'd like to do more of those in the coming weeks.

The Rules (for making the most of this thing)

The Rules

1) Do up individual task sheets for each project, to be kept in the front of their respective sections in the binder.

2) Morning work starts no later than 9am. Lunch is never more than an hour and never starts later than 12:30pm. PM work never starts later than 1:30pm and ends for dinner at 5:30pm-6pm. It can continue after dinner but this 3^rd period should not be counted on (re: Procrastinating).

3) Friday nights through noon Sunday are sacred. Rest, relaxation and chores must be done. Paint! Read! Go outside on the longboard!

4) Bed by 10:30pm dammit! (Sun-Thurs)

5) Walk around the block mid morning and afternoon. At least stretch legs around apartment.

6) Steady morning exercise regimen (before 9am)

7) Stay comfy! Drink lots of water, bust out the fan and air exchange unit. Also, shower first thing.

8) Lillian cannot use the phone.

9) Because she’s such a smartass, Lillian cannot go outside.

Here we go!

Well!

After some scrabbling and a very kind favor from a friend, I can finally say that my planned writing sabbatical is beginning and it begins at 5pm this Friday. I'm looking at six to eight weeks, depending on how I'm able to stretch my dollars, of getting up and scriptwriting from 9am-5pm (and probably more, but you see what I'm getting at here).

I got so exited over this that I even made an Excel spreadsheet - an EXCEL SPREADSHEET , PEOPLE -trying to plan ahead and draw up a rough schedule for the six weeks. Past the first week I can see this getting blown to hell by assorted circumstances, but as long as I'm wrapping up projects and getting the foundations laid for new ones then I'll be pretty happy. Plus I'll be able to avoid burning out, which I've seen coming at me like a monster truck for the past two weeks, from shoving what I really care about into the margins of my days while also trying to find time to relax, eat, sleep and shit*?

Aside from writing, writing, writing I am hoping to be able to get on the set of a friend's short film , shoot some episodes of a web show and learn enough CSS that I can wrestle a decent looking web page out of Wordpress. I'll doubtless write again at the end of these six weeks to say what the end result of my attempts is. Until then!

*I don't have time to pee! That is also something I look forward to in this sabbatical.
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Addendum: Holy crap this is pretty cool.

Also, here's my moment of punditry: Obama's got it and this seals the deal for me.

ArrrrrrRrrRRrrrRrRRrRrrrrt

It's just as well that I've got a packet of pictures to pony up - any time and energy I have for words is being hungrily devoured by writing projects! So without further ado...

A non-sponsored series of street art
A series that was sponsored and dictated by a Vespa manufacturer (POSSIBLY VESPA).
...something which irked at least one individual.
I'm not sure who made this, but given how long it has been around (at least a few months as I can tell) then I am guessing it was at least sponsored by the TTC or another government body.
Further down into Big Company Towne......we have the always ubiquitous and generally scorned "Corporate Art".
Q: Which art form is more valid?
A: None of this will matter after the Lizard Overlords finally reveal themselves.

Actually, I rather enjoyed Woody Allen's take on art in a book of interviews with him which I am reading: "Art to me has always been entertainment for intellectuals". Not to mention his take on being survived by his works: "...I'm not interested in living on in the hearts of my countrymen. I'd rather live on in my apartment!".

Operation: Better Way of Life - Final edition?

Right!

So it looks like I am going to have to be a responsible adult. Well, I don't have to but I am choosing to be one...somewhat begrudingly.

After crunching the numbers into smaller, more digestible shapes I have determined that the best plan is for me to wipe out the remainder of the debt I accrued from moving to Toronto. This will mean working through the month of May - which, fortunately, is one of those odd months where there are five paydays in four weeks and thus a kind of "bonus" payday sneaks in before having to pay rent - so that I can take all of June off as well as the first week of July. Given that my birthday is in June, this seems a pretty fitting gift to myself. I'll ride into the second week of July pretty broke, but debt free and most likely just in time for my big fat British tax refund.

So for the next four weeks I'll be working hard at making the best use of my spare time as possible. This will be really necesaary since the best way to keep my inner child from throwing a tantrum at being made to do dull office work is to placate it with the knowledge that at least some good writing, relaxation and proper sleeping habits are going on. Sounds exciting, I know! But it should result in a plethora of scripts and script hustling which will provide plenty of fuel for this here blahg. Also photos dammit! NEXT POST THERE WILL BE PHOTOS

CoS BS

So last night, after I finished putting the final polish on a couple of comedy sketches for my web collaborator, I found myself with a small concern I'd never thought I'd have to wrestle with.

It stemmed from a sketch I had written about a fictional "Church of Scientology Babysitting Service". As most people who know me would be sure to say, I'm usually willing to take the piss out of anyone and everything without fear for consequences. I'd even go so far as to say I can be a bit reckless at times. However, the worst this has ever bitten me in the ass is with the inevitable "Oh dear the person you're making a joke about is standing right behind you" scenario.

But man, if there is one* thing that is objectionable about the CoS it is that they have no sense of humor about being mocked and are a very, very litigious bunch. Not only that, but they have been known to harrass the hell out of any journalist who investigates them, put serious pressure on television shows that dare to satirize them (including getting the South Park episode about the CoS pulled - though it's still pretty easy to find on the internet) and have kidnapped the odd person (Go to page 61 of this pdf for an example). The protestors at the three world wide "Anonymous" protests wore and continue to wear masks for good reason.

I'm not looking out the window every ten minutes to try and figure out which of the strangers on my street might be a private investigator hired by the CoS. But that I've even for a second considered asking not to be credited for the sketch really pisses me off. Even further, inspired by some of the material in that pdf I've linked to, I've written a rough outline for a feature film drawing inspiration from several real life incidents involving the CoS. After a joyful, almost feverish spat of putting thoughts to page I wondered if anybody would be willing to fund such a thing, for fear of the good Church's pressure tactics coming to bear on them. The "Jews control the media and entertainment industry" bullshit is just that, but it's fair to say the CoS has a bit of control with the latter.

Or who knows, maybe the publicity from Anonymous' war on the scientologists has - or will, as they certainly haven't stopped - could lead to enough of a spotlight on these heinous shit merchants, thugs and demagogues to prevent them from being able to flex their muscles. Any thoughts? Should I go through with the feature script and try to get it made?

*There are many, many, many, many things that are objectionable about them.

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Addendum: I've added a couple of slideshows on the right-hand side, a new blogger feature I rather appreciate since this thing is generally pretty picture heavy (though not lately!). Feast your peepers on those, if you like.

"Operation: Better way of life" continues

Well, I've done a rough budget and it looks like I could work my last day at my current contract on May 9th (provided that there has been some honesty regarding the length of the contract, which isn't always the case) and live frugally for three weeks to a month before needing employment again. If I'm lucky and my British tax refund arrives in time, I could even nab myself a second month.

However, I had originally planned to use that to cover the main cost of flying to see my friend in Berlin this fall. It would also make for some useful padding in my financial cushion, something that would be wise to fatten if I'm going to be working as little as possible. But maybe I should consider that my time in London (and Athens) could be seen as enough Old Buildings etc and careful saving for the time being. There is something to be said for investing in your career and personal contentment isn't there? That's another trick, of course, to make the time off feel like an investment instead of a purchase - the method being obvious enough (actually getting serious script work done and hustling further work).

Looking forward to all this, it becomes increasingly easy to resent the hell out of the beige coated office where I'm grossly under utilizing myself - but it's the work I do here that will earn the money to facilitate what I hope to be the first in a series of leaps to being able to make a living doing what I love. So yes, maybe I look about and realize that from my seated position the only way I can tell what time of day or which season it is, is by checking my computer and am thus reminded of the practices of certain prisons to disorient their charges - but I don't rabbit on about it to my co-workers or pretend that I've found some profound metaphor to describe office life.

Not like an obese twat in a baseball cap that I remember from the group training session at a job I turned down during the days between finishing my degree and hoofing it to London. I'll never forget how, as the trainer left to allow us privacy to fill in some paperwork that involved confidentiality or the like, the twat lifted his flabby chin and - with a big grin - asked everyone in the room if they "felt like robots yet?". Two people gave him dirty looks, one person's features drooped and the rest ignored him completely. I only got as far as "Well then -" when the trainer came back, but what I was trying to say to him was "Well then, why don't you go do something else?".

Sitting in the office two weeks ago and feeling more than a bit pissed off at what I was doing, that's precisely what I ended up saying to myself.

Leveling up...

NERD

Moving on!

So okay already, I've been in Toronto nearly 12 weeks now. I've got a place, I've got some furniture and though I don't have a steady job...I'm no longer entirely sure if I want one. This is related to my desire for something more than working jobs during the day in which I gain nothing but a paycheck, then trying to pursue my scriptwriting career in my spare time - essentially working 60 to 80 hour weeks and, even if I use spare time to relax, feeling at all times like I am doing something wrong if I am not writing.

As I'm sure anyone reading this can imagine, this has become pretty draining after two and a half years. That's how long it's been since I finished my degree and decided to forgo further education to dedicate myself to my career. I'd say I got off to a good start, making my short film and then heading to London...but along the way I think I may have fallen into a bit of a trap. This stems, essentially, from my take on the idea that you have to put up with a certain amount of - let's be poetic here - "shit" in order to earn "the good stuff". This is a pretty fair thing to believe.

But I'm now sure that I've either been putting up with the wrong kind of shit or too much shit in order to really get my mitts on a fair share of "the good stuff" - AKA progression in my struggle to make scriptwriting my full time career. At times, scriptwriting has been so squeezed into the margins of my day that it has begun to feel more like a really passionate hobby than what I really want it to be.

So, in no small part inspired by a daring move by my friend Victor in his own artistic endeavors, I've decided that it's time to either commit or quit. Luckily something has happened which I didn't think would - a third room mate that I could actually tolerate and enjoy living with has come up and shall be moving in at the start of the next month. This will help get my monthly living expenses down to a level which I believe most chartered accountants would define as total bullshit.

Thus!

I am going to try and get myself in the position to work a permanent job for just three days a week and use the other two working days to scriptwrite and hustle. To do that starting fresh instead of hurriedly scribbling during lunch breaks and after long days of punishing mundanity. I will then even be able to, heaven forbid, take a day on the weekend to do nothing but recharge my batteries and not feel like I have fallen victim to the bullshit that is an "opportunity cost".

Until that permanent part-time role becomes mine, I plan to alternate between temping and "not working". The contract I'm on right now goes for another two weeks (I think, maybe a third). After it ends, I'm taking one solid week off to experiment and see if my work ethic can be honed to (or is already at) a sharp enough point to really knuckle down to the grindstone and not look this gift horse in the metaphor until I can come up with a better metaphor for "to see if I'll actually spend the day writing or just wank around".

Chili Willi

It's an odd time for me right now. I have more going on, writing and production-wise, than I think I ever have. BUT it is all in the early, larval stages - steadily developing, but larval nonetheless. It'll probably be at least a couple of months before anything I'm putting to paper and word file gets made into a kaleidoscope of stimuli I can wiggle under the behinds of my friends and loved ones.

So I post a picture of the eleven liters of chili I made! POT LUCK TONIGHT, TIME TO WORK ON THAT POT BELLY.

I attended a group comedy writing "jam" (or whatever the fuck you want to call it) last night. Good times and I think my chops were sufficient. It's always nice to bounce shit off of people, back and forth and let an idea snowball. I find that's often when I'm at my best with comedy, which is certainly why I often wish I could just transcribe conversations with friends and get paid somehow. Though, of course, you always need to make sure any of that shit is actually funny to people who aren't you and your buddy - you and your buddy in that specific circumstance.

Meanwhile, here is something I wish I'd had while in London - but which anybody might enjoy.

I GOT SOME OF THOSE

So yes, it took longer than I expected but the screenprint is finished. For those who'd like to know more about the process, let's work backwards.

When everything goes to hell...

...I'm going to go to South America and live with the other Ewoks.

When men are allowed to be offended...

Guys...this...this is sexy...it just is okay?

Online petitions...

...feel about as flaccid as [Republican Senator's member] after they were caught soliciting [sexual act] from [homosexual escort] at [public transit terminal or back alley]!

But this one seems worth a damn, particularly since it is the precursor to a march on April 22nd - aka Earth Day. If you live in Toronto, you may wish to attend.

Cursed uninventive Anglo bastards

Seriously!

I just got back from a short trip out to Etobicoke, which richly reintroduced me to the pale grey wasteland that is a Canadian office park, and along the way I passed through a subway station named "Islington". Seeing it in a subway, a mode of transport I never used much until I lived in the UK Islington, really made my head flip for just long enough to notice.

Meanwhile, I'm going to try silk screening for the first time today. Results shall be posted later!

Pfffffft.....

Fire and Gold

Just a couple of things I bumped into recently, which I like. Firstly, I learned of the great Toronto fire in a manner more interesting than playing six degrees of Wikipedia.And this caught my eye firstly because it is in gold paint, which you don't see often, and then because of it's message.

If you can't write and are sick of the computer...

...then drink and paint!

Reference picture - A London "Teddy Girl" I clipped out of Nude magazine.Sketchy sketchGettin' thereI'm not sure if I consider this done, but it's done enough for today.

Urghhhh

Sorry guys, wrestling with writers block and job hunting doesn't an epic narrative make.

More soon, hopefully.

Awesome

Al Gore has started something pretty interesting this week.

The project's own page.

And the video, for which they roped in William H. Macy.

Swans & Garbage

During the temp job I just finished, one of my favorite things to do during my lunch hour was to go down to the waterfront. Soon enough I figured out the specific spot that two particular swans (and two cheeky ducks that follow them to pick at the food the swans often get thrown at them) like to come to.One swan was noticeably slower than the other and thus, thanks to some half-memory from a Warner Brothers cartoon I saw years ago, I secretly named him "Wilbur" and sometimes provided him with dialogue of the slow-witted mountain person variety. He and his nameless, brighter accomplice would show up at 1pm each day like clockwork and once or twice a week I would take great pleasure and relaxation in feeding them bits of bread that I'd try to save for them. It's not hard to see why seniors enjoy doing this sort of thing. By getting lost in their little world I could take a nice break from the stresses of my own. It was surprisingly difficult to get a decent shot of the two opportunistic ducks that would always see me feeding the swans and then nip over to try and steal what they could. The smarter, nameless swan often got really pissed at the ducks and once it even managed to clamp it's beak over the neck of a duck and give it a good shake - followed by a honk which I can only assume was Swan for "Fuck off you little bastard". Swan's are pretty foul mouthed eh? Anyways, I managed to get one of them in the bottom right of this picture.Now, this is right along the waterfront - specifically the waterfront which is supposed to be the shining glory of Toronto with all those million dollar condos that get the Che Guevera T-shirt brigade rubbing their tits in a fury. A lot of effort has been put into the landscaping, architecture and general cleanliness of this place - a rough analogue to my beloved Thames Embankment. Thanks to where I was temping, I've even gotten some interesting glimpses at what is planned for the future of the waterfront along with plenty of Utopian concept drawings and models. All that said and I still caught plenty of this.Which brought my mind back to things I've been reading in general and specifically about microscopic plastics in the world's supply of water. The mind starts to reel a bit, or at least mine did. I began to wonder how much of the chemical composition of Lake Ontario has been replaced by plastic particles. Then I wondered how much plastic was inside the Swan's stomachs. How much they were taking in with each bite of the bread I was tossing into the water for them to eat. How much of my own body, no matter how tiny a percentage, was contaminated by these particles - given the old 60% water routine. Idly tossing the bits of whole wheat into Wilbur's path, I felt like what I was doing was all of a sudden a bit sinister on just about every level possible. In a word, it felt polluted.I appreciate that VICE magazine is an amusing and often offensive (though not for the reasons you'd think) source of information - but their Internet television network VBS is a largely different creature in terms of raw quality, particularly their journalistic programs. I've referred to their Toxic Alberta series before and now, in relation to what I'm talking about, I'll refer you to the preview of their upcoming Toxic Garbage Island series that will cover, firsthand, what is going on in the South Pacific Sub-Tropical Gyre. The author of the corresponding article for the magazine had a frank lead-in to the topic which I think, after having read more on this, stands as highly appropriate.
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I'm not one of those guys who corners folks at parties to rant at them about biodiesal or calls people "fucking idiots" for being skeptical about global warming. But I should also point out that I'm not one of those Andrew Dice Claw "Fuck the whales" types either.
The problem with all the bravado on both sides of the ecology debate is that nobody really knows what they are talking about. Trying to form opinions on climate change, overpopulation, and peak oil hinges on ginormous leaps of faith based around tiny statistical deviances that even the scientists studying them have a hard time understanding. It gets so convoluted with all the yelling and politics that sometimes you just want something huge and incontrovertibly awful to come along for everybody to agree on. Something you can show anyone a picture of and go, "See? We're fucked?"

Well, I have just such a thing. There is a Texas-size section of the Pacific Ocean that is irretrievably clogged with garbage and it will never go away. And I have seen it with my own eyes. Case Closed. Oh, you want to hear more? Ok, fine.
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That last hyperlink is, of course, to the full article online. I don't fully agree that the problem rests on understanding tiny variances, the variances are anything but tiny, however the urge to have something which can shock people out of complacency is something for which I have a great deal of sympathy.

Meanwhile the BBC has an ongoing diary that started a few days ago, which looks at the problem from the perspective of the bird population in Midway Island.

I present this information not to lord anything over anyone or to encourage a proper case of Doom to fall about you like a funeral shroud. I'm doing it partly to buck up the old sanity, partly because it's important that as many people be as aware as possible so that when they think about - say - reusing or not reusing those thing plastic bags we use at the supermarket for our fruit and vegetables, they maybe think of this shit and opt toward the more responsible option.
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ALSO: LET'S DO THIS AMERICA