Well, I've done a rough budget and it looks like I could work my last day at my current contract on May 9th (provided that there has been some honesty regarding the length of the contract, which isn't always the case) and live frugally for three weeks to a month before needing employment again. If I'm lucky and my British tax refund arrives in time, I could even nab myself a second month.
However, I had originally planned to use that to cover the main cost of flying to see my friend in Berlin this fall. It would also make for some useful padding in my financial cushion, something that would be wise to fatten if I'm going to be working as little as possible. But maybe I should consider that my time in London (and Athens) could be seen as enough Old Buildings etc and careful saving for the time being. There is something to be said for investing in your career and personal contentment isn't there? That's another trick, of course, to make the time off feel like an investment instead of a purchase - the method being obvious enough (actually getting serious script work done and hustling further work).
Looking forward to all this, it becomes increasingly easy to resent the hell out of the beige coated office where I'm grossly under utilizing myself - but it's the work I do here that will earn the money to facilitate what I hope to be the first in a series of leaps to being able to make a living doing what I love. So yes, maybe I look about and realize that from my seated position the only way I can tell what time of day or which season it is, is by checking my computer and am thus reminded of the practices of certain prisons to disorient their charges - but I don't rabbit on about it to my co-workers or pretend that I've found some profound metaphor to describe office life.
Not like an obese twat in a baseball cap that I remember from the group training session at a job I turned down during the days between finishing my degree and hoofing it to London. I'll never forget how, as the trainer left to allow us privacy to fill in some paperwork that involved confidentiality or the like, the twat lifted his flabby chin and - with a big grin - asked everyone in the room if they "felt like robots yet?". Two people gave him dirty looks, one person's features drooped and the rest ignored him completely. I only got as far as "Well then -" when the trainer came back, but what I was trying to say to him was "Well then, why don't you go do something else?".
Sitting in the office two weeks ago and feeling more than a bit pissed off at what I was doing, that's precisely what I ended up saying to myself.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Leveling up...
NERD
Moving on!
So okay already, I've been in Toronto nearly 12 weeks now. I've got a place, I've got some furniture and though I don't have a steady job...I'm no longer entirely sure if I want one. This is related to my desire for something more than working jobs during the day in which I gain nothing but a paycheck, then trying to pursue my scriptwriting career in my spare time - essentially working 60 to 80 hour weeks and, even if I use spare time to relax, feeling at all times like I am doing something wrong if I am not writing.
As I'm sure anyone reading this can imagine, this has become pretty draining after two and a half years. That's how long it's been since I finished my degree and decided to forgo further education to dedicate myself to my career. I'd say I got off to a good start, making my short film and then heading to London...but along the way I think I may have fallen into a bit of a trap. This stems, essentially, from my take on the idea that you have to put up with a certain amount of - let's be poetic here - "shit" in order to earn "the good stuff". This is a pretty fair thing to believe.
But I'm now sure that I've either been putting up with the wrong kind of shit or too much shit in order to really get my mitts on a fair share of "the good stuff" - AKA progression in my struggle to make scriptwriting my full time career. At times, scriptwriting has been so squeezed into the margins of my day that it has begun to feel more like a really passionate hobby than what I really want it to be.
So, in no small part inspired by a daring move by my friend Victor in his own artistic endeavors, I've decided that it's time to either commit or quit. Luckily something has happened which I didn't think would - a third room mate that I could actually tolerate and enjoy living with has come up and shall be moving in at the start of the next month. This will help get my monthly living expenses down to a level which I believe most chartered accountants would define as total bullshit.
Thus!
I am going to try and get myself in the position to work a permanent job for just three days a week and use the other two working days to scriptwrite and hustle. To do that starting fresh instead of hurriedly scribbling during lunch breaks and after long days of punishing mundanity. I will then even be able to, heaven forbid, take a day on the weekend to do nothing but recharge my batteries and not feel like I have fallen victim to the bullshit that is an "opportunity cost".
Until that permanent part-time role becomes mine, I plan to alternate between temping and "not working". The contract I'm on right now goes for another two weeks (I think, maybe a third). After it ends, I'm taking one solid week off to experiment and see if my work ethic can be honed to (or is already at) a sharp enough point to really knuckle down to the grindstone and not look this gift horse in the metaphor until I can come up with a better metaphor for "to see if I'll actually spend the day writing or just wank around".
Moving on!
So okay already, I've been in Toronto nearly 12 weeks now. I've got a place, I've got some furniture and though I don't have a steady job...I'm no longer entirely sure if I want one. This is related to my desire for something more than working jobs during the day in which I gain nothing but a paycheck, then trying to pursue my scriptwriting career in my spare time - essentially working 60 to 80 hour weeks and, even if I use spare time to relax, feeling at all times like I am doing something wrong if I am not writing.
As I'm sure anyone reading this can imagine, this has become pretty draining after two and a half years. That's how long it's been since I finished my degree and decided to forgo further education to dedicate myself to my career. I'd say I got off to a good start, making my short film and then heading to London...but along the way I think I may have fallen into a bit of a trap. This stems, essentially, from my take on the idea that you have to put up with a certain amount of - let's be poetic here - "shit" in order to earn "the good stuff". This is a pretty fair thing to believe.
But I'm now sure that I've either been putting up with the wrong kind of shit or too much shit in order to really get my mitts on a fair share of "the good stuff" - AKA progression in my struggle to make scriptwriting my full time career. At times, scriptwriting has been so squeezed into the margins of my day that it has begun to feel more like a really passionate hobby than what I really want it to be.
So, in no small part inspired by a daring move by my friend Victor in his own artistic endeavors, I've decided that it's time to either commit or quit. Luckily something has happened which I didn't think would - a third room mate that I could actually tolerate and enjoy living with has come up and shall be moving in at the start of the next month. This will help get my monthly living expenses down to a level which I believe most chartered accountants would define as total bullshit.
Thus!
I am going to try and get myself in the position to work a permanent job for just three days a week and use the other two working days to scriptwrite and hustle. To do that starting fresh instead of hurriedly scribbling during lunch breaks and after long days of punishing mundanity. I will then even be able to, heaven forbid, take a day on the weekend to do nothing but recharge my batteries and not feel like I have fallen victim to the bullshit that is an "opportunity cost".
Until that permanent part-time role becomes mine, I plan to alternate between temping and "not working". The contract I'm on right now goes for another two weeks (I think, maybe a third). After it ends, I'm taking one solid week off to experiment and see if my work ethic can be honed to (or is already at) a sharp enough point to really knuckle down to the grindstone and not look this gift horse in the metaphor until I can come up with a better metaphor for "to see if I'll actually spend the day writing or just wank around".
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